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I am sitting at the 2024 ALSC Institute<\/a> in Denver, CO, and I have an epiphany. I am surrounded by other librarians, authors, paraprofessionals, book sellers, and publishers. I\u2019ve attended amazing panels about baby programming (baby prom and baby discos will now happen across the country), nature-based programming, podcasting, and collection development. We heard amazing interviews with Meg Medina, Daniel Nayeri, Amina Luqman-Dawson, Malia Maunakea, Donna Barba Higuera, Caroline Richmond, and more. I attended two panels in particular that opened my eyes to what I am about to describe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One panel is entitled Disrupting Your Library\u2019s Status Quo From the Youth Services Perspective<\/strong> with Claire Studholme and Kate Fitzpatrick. They discuss the relegation of youth services in libraries as a \u201csilly, carefree\u201d department despite the fact that most children\u2019s departments bring in the majority of circulations, program attendance, and foot traffic. They gave great tips on how to be stronger as a department in order to have a voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The second panel is Should It Stay or Should It Go?<\/strong> with Danielle DiAmico and Dena Moscheck. They discussed how to properly let go of programs and collections that currently or previously were popular but no longer benefit your time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And then my epiphany occurs; but first: let\u2019s rewind to how I got here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Like many libraries across the country, my library has dealt with book challenges, harmful phone calls, name-calling, and disturbing social media posts for the past two years. On a rainy day in March, it all culminated in a bomb threat sent to our library 30 minutes before a Pride Storytime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I won\u2019t go into details about that day, so let\u2019s fast-forward to a week later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Immediately, we received support from our trustees and administration. We were encouraged by town departments, other libraries, patrons, and more. We were given cookies, donuts, cards, letters, and lots and lots of admirable comments about how we decided to reopen that same day. We were very privileged to receive this amount of support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A week after that, we planned a Rainbow Rally Storytime on the Town Common with our Office of Equity and Social Justice. Over 200 people attended to show support, and we had amazing performers brave the cold to put on a great show.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And then it went back to business as usual. I was invited to Career Day at an elementary school class not soon after to talk about how awesome it is to be a librarian, which was a surreal experience. I planned three Taylor Swift-themed programs<\/a> for our spring break that were highly attended. I attended my ALSC meetings. I planned summer reading with my team. I made TikToks.<\/a> I sang, read, and danced at storytimes.<\/p>\n\n\n And then Sarah Polen emailed me and a few other ALSC members asking if anyone would be interested in interviewing Kwame Mbalia at the ALSC Institute. I immediately said yes, which was wildly out of character for me. I historically have stage fright, and my voice tends to quiver when speaking in large crowds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Six months ago, I would not have said yes to this. Six months ago, I would have nagged at myself for not saying yes. But I did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And why did I say yes? Because I\u2019ve become numb professionally. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Being numb is both good and bad. Bad obviously because it\u2019s a trauma response, and you\u2019ve had to go through trauma to end up here. Good though because I am no longer afraid of little things. Confronting patrons for not following policy, stepping into difficult conversations, and presenting at a national conference are all things that no longer scare me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As I sit down and reflect on my own presentation with Kwame, who was a delight to interview, and I think over the panels about standing up for youth services and letting go of things that no longer work, I start thinking about how weird it all is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I am sitting at a conference. I just interviewed an author I\u2019ve admired for years in front of 70 people. I am surrounded by 500 library workers from across the country, and we\u2019re all chatting, networking, getting to know one another. And we discuss what it\u2019s like being a librarian today, what challenges we\u2019re facing, our successes, our stumbles, and our hopes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So then the lightbulb that screeches and buzzes above me says: I\u2019ve allowed myself to normalize this numbness, to let it become a part of my daily routine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Amina Luqman-Dawon put it best at the Institute when she said, \u201cThis is not a culture war. This is an attack.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n No matter what you do, no matter how you handle yourself during this time, it\u2019s valid because none of the things that we are going through are normal and we should not act like it is. If you leave the profession, that is okay. If you prioritize your mental health over a job, that is okay. If you stay at your job because you love it and are optimistic things will change, that is okay. If you can take time off, do it. If you can access an employee assistance program, do it. If you need resources that your administration cannot provide, contact ALSC<\/a> and ALA Office of Intellectual Freedom<\/a>. You are not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I very much love the library I work for, the town I work for, the kids I see every day. I love my team, my coworkers, and I am lucky to be where I am. This is a both\/and. And, a piece of who I was as a librarian before March is gone. I am no longer bright-eyed and optimistic the way I was before, having only been a librarian for five years and the majority of that being during Covid. I\u2019ll never get that brighter piece of me back, but I can make room for this new version of myself in this profession and reclaim the joy of the work. <\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.alsc.ala.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/slide3.jpg\")