People say you can’t be truly prepared for parenthood, but as a librarian, I have to admit I felt pretty ready to have a baby. I had read all the books, spent countless hours on the children’s floor and had a strong sense that I’d find my way. But when my daughter was born, I suddenly felt immersed in a new world where the parts of myself I could normally rely on were suddenly out of grasp. My mind, normally sharp and analytical, felt scattered and hazy. My confidence that I could figure most things out was replaced by a lingering imposter feeling. Despite my fears of taking her out of our safe apartment and into the world, the expanse of time ahead of us was even more daunting, so I decided to take my baby to see my happy place. On a cold morning in January, I bundled us up and off we went to our local library. This outing became an anchor of our early time together, and allowed me enjoy the library in a whole new way. Here are a few of my experiences and the discoveries and ideas that came out of my library visits in this new patron role as a first-time parent.
Feeling Welcome as a New Parent
Going out in the world with a newborn felt vulnerable. When my baby cried in public, I wondered if people around me thought I wasn’t doing a good job comforting her. And when that thought dissipated, a wave of guilt rolled over me: why was I worried about what others thought? I should only worry about my baby and her needs! There was so much going on in my mind as a new parent. When a library worker would approach me to ask me how old the baby was, ask me how I’m doing, or just make small talk, it helped me let my guard down and feel at home in the library.
Body-feeding and Bottle Feeding
When I was pregnant, I imagined breastfeeding under a cute nursing cover while reading a book or sipping a coffee. In reality, my first few trials with the nursing cover ended up with my baby crying, unable to latch and us both stressed. After that, the nursing cover went in a drawer and I fed my daughter without it. Recently, in a library forum, a librarian posted a question: what to do when someone is breastfeeding in the library? The resounding response was that there is no problem, and moreover it is a protected right. Library workers can help reinforce this by making sure parents know they do not need to leave to feed their babies and by posting signs like this one from the USDA or these multilingual signs from NYC.gov. Additionally, many parents and caregivers bottle feed in addition to or instead of breast/body-feeding, and should be respected in whatever way they choose to nourish their babies. Library staff can support patrons by not asking about their feeding choices or expressing their personal opinions on the matter.
Patron Connections
Lapsit storytime was a highlight of my parental leave. I saw my daughter’s eyes light up when the Librarian sang with her ukelele. It’s where she discovered bubbles for the first time, gleefully shook a tambourine and played peek-a-boo under colorful scarves. I had an activity to structure my day and got to work my “getting out in the world with a baby” muscles all at once. One thing I wished for was that the librarian would say “turn to the person next to you and introduce yourself and your baby” or give some prompt for staying after to chat. I knew I wanted to connect with other parents, but couldn’t find the words to do it. For exhausted and isolated new parents like myself, a little extra facilitation would go a long way!
Mental Health Postpartum
Most struggling new parents would not answer the question “How are you doing?” by saying “I’m overwhelmed and wonder if I can do this.” However, the library can still offer resources and support without having to talk directly. Postpartum Support International has free printable materials in English and Spanish that you can post in the restroom by the changing table, or a bulletin board to show parents where they can turn for help. One idea I’d love to implement is a new baby bag from the library with a calendar of programs, book lists, a welcome note, local postpartum support information and maybe even some library swag!
Before “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom”
There are books that babies love, and there are books that toddlers love – with repetition, alliteration (I’m looking at you Chicka Chicka Boom Boom). But on parental leave I discovered a type of book that I think parents and caregivers of newborns love. It’s the type of book that I read to my baby sleeping or nestled on my chest, that affirmed something deep inside me, about my role and capacity to take care of this tiny human. What a powerful thing – for a book to have the ability to help parents feel connected to their baby as they nurture this new relationship. Here are a few of my favorites in this category:
- The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown
- What My Daddy Loves Raissa Figueroa
- Here We Are: Notes for Living on Planet Earth by Oliver Jeffers
- Let’s Do Everything and Nothing by Julia Kuo
- Nosotros Means Us by Paloma Valdivia
- I Already Love You by Willa Perlman
- A Mother Is a House by Aurore Petit
- Little You by Richard Van Camp
As my daughter grows, each new stage gives me a new lens to experience what it’s like for families to use the library. Stay tuned for the toddler update! (Spoiler: we need step stools in the bathroom).
Our guest contributor today is Clara Laitman. Clara has worked as a Librarian at the New York Public Library and previously at Brooklyn Public Library in Adult Learning. She received her MLS from Queens College in 2019. Views expressed by the author do not necessarily represent those of The New York Public Library.
If you are interested in submitting a guest post, please read and fill out our Guest Blogging Interest Form. Please note that as a guest post, the views expressed here do not represent the official position of ALA or ALSC.
Emily
Great suggestions! It’s a good reminder for those of us who became parents many, many moons ago. I’ll be sure to implement some of these at our library.